A Dream.

I had a dream the other night.

Now before your mind starts to wander and think saucy scandalous scenes (cause that’s definitely where my mind would go!), let me stop you.

Whilst the dream did, in fact, have a man in it, the impression it left on me was nothing less than innocent.

(or so I’ll tell you)

*wink wink

No, but seriously.

Lingering on my mind for the rest of the day in the form of rosey red cheeks, I began to think of possible ways as to why it left such an imprint on me.

It wasn’t the subject of my dream, per say, it was the context and how it made me feel during my waking hours.

Basically, in my dream, I wound up at this guy’s house (whom I actually know in real life but don’t know) and stayed the night, in his bed. Thinking he would stay on his side and me on mine, I was surprised that he rolled over and slung his long arms around me, pulling me close. Cuddled tight, all I remember feeling was this blanket of warmth coming from his body heat. I felt security, I felt safe, and when I woke up to the cold reality of having no one by my side (save for my cat, who was making herself quite comfortable on my chest), it made me long for that embrace for the rest of the day.

The harsh truth is that I’ve never really experienced that before with someone. Sure, there’s the few “one night stands” I’ve had (which for me were adult sleepovers but without the adult shenanigans) but when spooning and cuddling did occur, I felt like they weren’t doing it because they cared about me and wanted to hold me tight, but because they thought it’s what girls wanted.

And hell yes that’s what I wanted! And still want.

Obviously. I’m dreaming about it!

Trying to decipher what the meaning of this dream could be, I looked to the online for guidance on possible interpretations.

1.) Dreaming of cuddling could mean I’m thinking about making my relationship perfect, as I fantasize about enjoying this ideal experience (likely not applicable to me considering I’m not in a relationship..)

2.) Perhaps I have a crush on said person (which could be true, but is it because I like like him or because I don’t have anyone else to dream about?)

3.) It could mean I focus on the fantasy instead of the reality (truth)

4.) Likely means I’m desirous for physical contact or strong need to be cuddled by someone and he happened to be the last guy I talked to the day before (TRUTH)

I know deep down that this all ties to loneliness. It always does.

And frankly, I’m lonely.

Maybe it’s this time of year where seemingly every single Christmas song I hear is about being with your lover (and mistletoe and cuddles by the fireplace), maybe it’s that time of month where my body is hinting at me that it’s time to procreate (can I get an amen ladies? And gents, I’m sure y’all feel it too), or maybe my dream is just revealing to me the harsh truth that I am, in fact, lonely, and no amount of ignoring it or wishing it away is going to change the fact.

While I don’t have a cure for loneliness, I know that at this point in my life, I’m at least aware of the difference between need and want out of this lone part of me.

I am not feeling loneliness because I need a man for validation, completion, compliments, and emotional support, I’m feeling loneliness because while I know I’m a boss ass single independent woman, I’m at the stage where I simply want and desire the company of someone else (especially in bed, it seems!).

It’s hard to do it all by myself all the time, and the craving for physical contact is REAL, especially when I’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing it with someone who cares about me and me about them.

Though this dream still makes my cheeks fire up like a steam locomotive, I can’t feel bad or embarrassed that the only “action” I’m getting is in my dreams.

Because you know what they say about dreams..

Sometimes, they really do come true.