Great Expectations.

There’s nothing like being twenty-four years old and still getting teased about the status of your dating life and all your subsequent suitors.

Or in this case, lack thereof.

You’d think that by now, people would’ve stopped bothering to ask if there was anyone in my life because up until this point, there hasn’t been anyone in my life for a very long time.

See, in many chapters of women my age, big news comes in the form of giddy engagements, wondrous weddings, and life changing pregnancies. But in my chapter, big news means I got asked on a date (or me asking someone).

To be fair, Elan having a date with a man is a big deal. My dating life is about as exciting as a dusty attic and when I do happen to be lucky enough to hang with someone of the opposite sex that isn’t directly related to me, it’s like the entirety of my surrounding community comes out and watches to see what happens next with rapt attention.

It’s that rare.

And I know this community is simply supportive, interested, and often vocal about how unusual it is that men aren’t falling over me (trust me, I’m just as confused as they are) but the constant attention makes me feel like I’m missing something that everyone else has experienced.

Heck, I overheard a conversation the other day between my dad and a family friend and they were talking about “oh, wouldn’t it be nice to see Elan settle down with someone” and “I just want to see her get a second date!” and my goodness, the fact that it’s such a big deal just makes me feel awful.

It’s not like I’m Shakespeare’s Kate Minola, the shrew-like woman who’s unfazed by men (though we do share a similar bond with being strong on the outside but fragile and insecure on the inside). I like men, I love men, but it seems they don’t feel the same way about me.

One date.

One date is all I get to impress, woo, and entice them into asking me out on that second date, and I usually fail. The invitation never comes.

So I’m thinking back to all the guys I’ve dated before and there’s one that sticks out, one that didn’t disappoint, that did ask me out on a second (and third and fourth) date. A man who was genuine, kind, respectful, and willing to peel back layer after layer with patience and adoration, who appreciated my complexities and saw myself as I did.

*I’ll name him Jack (Jack is my favorite name)

What happened with him?

Nothing.

See at the time, I was young. Not only young, but naiive, and inexperienced, a doe-eyed Bambi who had just discovered what men were (I was a very late bloomer). And there was nothing wrong with him, just as there is nothing wrong with me, it was just bad timing. I wasn’t ready. Of course later on down the road I realized what a gem he was, but at the time, I just wasn’t prepared for all the intensity and commitment of being in a real relationship.

But all those qualities? Those are the kinds of things I now look for in someone, all these years later.

So I’m thinking about him, and I start to wonder if maybe I’m now him and all these guys I go on dates with are past mes.

Like Jack, I’m looking to get to know someone intimately and passionately, and the guys I happen to have dates with are like who I was all those years ago, simply not ready for a whole lotta woman.

On top of being a whole lotta woman, I’m also a hopeless romantic, which doesn’t bode well for me when I do go on casual dates. I typically wind up over-thinking into oblivion and projecting my idea of what romance is on someone I have only just begun to get to know.

Combine that with not getting the invitation for a second date and I end up feeling pretty darn crummy.

What I need to remember though, is that I can’t change how other people feel about me, but I can change how I feel.

My mom once said that if I don’t have any expectations, I’m never let down.

While I know that changing my mentality is way more difficult than it sounds, I’m beginning to have faith in the belief that there are others out there like Jack who will want to take the time to get to know me, who will ask me out on that coveted second date. And third and fourth….