See You Later.

All I could think about was the fact that this was the last time I would be seeing him.

This would be the last time I answered his FaceTime call.

The last time I smiled and said “hello!”

The last time I eagerly jumped into how I was feeling, forgoing niceties and time wasting chit chat.

It was, unfortunately, the very last time I would be seeing my therapist.

*sigh

I’ve been seeing Doc for a little over a year now, and when I started, I struggled deeply with managing my emotions and living with my anxiety.

I was a woman with “great sentiment” who had difficulty calming down, completely blinded by how deeply I always felt, and I wanted so badly to take control of my emotions.

In the midst of the crisis that was all of last year, I first met with the doc over FaceTime, a method I quite enjoyed, preferring the comfort of my home and the cat on my lap during my weekly sessions over the journey to an office.

As the weeks wore on, as the months turned into the year, I found myself growing and making positive progress towards embracing my sensitivities and learning to be in charge of how I react to things.

Little by little, step by step, and session by session, I began to tangibly feel change.

I worked through some of the most difficult and dark challenges with his help, and as we went through our final FaceTime together, I felt saddened that it would be the last time. He was retiring, so of course I understood, but at the same time, I felt sorrow that we would no loner be able to continue this relationship.

It was a bittersweet farewell.

The hour was coming to a close, and the last thing Doc asked me was what I had learned most in the last year.

What have I not learned.

In all honesty, what I learned most was that anything is possible, if you just believe.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist the cheesy motivational quote.

But seriously, what I learned most was that the desire to change was inside of me all along. It just took the right person to bring out that dedication and commitment in me to get better.

I wanted to for a long time, had been trying for years to tackle this monstrosity of my emotional depth, but I lacked the belief and the resources it took to get me there.

I didn’t know how to help myself, didn’t know where to start. And when I first began seeing Doc, I instantly felt a connection with his method of therapy. It worked for me.

He asked the right questions, he gave me homework, had me identify my feelings in times of turmoil, and in every session, I felt myself getting better. He helped guide and inspire me to continue working harder and at the end of our final FaceTime, I felt I had more confidence in my abilities to help get me through whatever would come my way.

(for there would be more coming my way and the work is never done)

Getting appropriately emotional as we were closing the session, Doc told me that he would find me someday, to meet me in person.

That this wasn’t a goodbye, but a see you later.

So I guess I’ll see you later Doc.

Full-filling.

Tired.

Exhausted.

Irritated.

Fed up.

But most of all, suffering from a serious case of customer-service-itis.

Welcome to summer in Alaska!

Unfortunately, it’s not even July, only the worst month of the summer where a maelstrom of tourists will flood the small towns of Alaska in droves.

Yeah, I’m already there.

I’m tapped. I am plum burnt out. My reservoir is on empty.

Which is challenging, when you work in the very industry that services these particular hoards.

As the days wear on, I’ve slowly found my energy depleting. People crowd in by the dozens and I instantly get irritated. Go away, my heart whispers in frustration while on the outside, I keep up the artificial facade and smile like there’s nothing I’d rather do in the world then provide them with the best possible customer experience.

I think where the problem lies has to do with the dichotomy of working in customer service. On the outside, we have to act as the accommodating and pleasing hostess; which, at times, is natural and good. But on days when we’re not feeling accommodating and pleasing, when on the inside we instead feel bitter, sour, and inconvenienced, it can be challenging to work through. The superficiality of our outward expressions isn’t congruent with how we’re truly feeling on the inside.

Thus, the problem.

It’s times like these that I know I need a break.

From work, from drama, from all the out of towners crowding my precious hometown.

We all do, every once and awhile.

And when it’s as busy as its been, when the days sometimes drag on repeating the same monotonous routine over and over and over and over again, it is especially important to take care of oneself.

Gotta keep that reservoir full.

So how have I spent my rare days off?

Hiking.

Fishing.

Road tripping to far away cities.

Doing the very things that draw thousands of visitors year after year to this great state.

While most people recover from rough workweeks with rest and relaxation, I instead choose to take advantage of the lovely summer days by getting outside and out of town.

Like waking up at 3am to catch the morning tide.

Or taking a mid-morning stroll straight up Slaughter Gulch.

And driving three hours to shop, cause why not?

And even though work sometimes follows me (let’s be honest, work always follows me), even though I may be running on a few hours of sleep, and even when the roads are congested with far too many motorhomes and rentals, I cherish those days.

They may not be days of rest, but they do replenish that reservoir.

And that in and of itself is… fullfilling.