Coming to an End.

And just like that, summer was over.

As quickly as it took to cast a line, one season concluded and another began.

At first, I felt trepidatious.

I mean, to trust that the longest working summer of my life was actually coming to a close… well, that makes a girl nervous.

Work still felt busy, traffic in town lingered, and I couldn’t quite put my faith in the fact that the summer that tested my faith in humanity and made me reconsider the industry I was working in, was actually done.

But then I went fishing.

For the first time this year, actually.

And everything changed.

Usually an early afternoon activity I share with my dad, I hadn’t once yet fished on the river yet. I did have a few trips out on the ocean under my belt, but even those were unsuccessful for me.

The Kenai River though? The world famous salmon fishing capital where I usually spend many a lazy afternoon in the summer casting line out with my pops catching our limit of sockeye? August was my first time fishing its grounds.

(tells you just how busy my summer was)

The other day, however, I finally found the time.

And so, on a spectacularly sunny afternoon, my dad, gem, and I motored out to the gravel bar by our house.

Then, after just a few short minutes, my dad catches one.

A sockeye!

A sockeye.

So they’re still out there, I thought.

August, typically the end of sockeye season and the start of silver fishing, is also the month where summer seems to slow down and notes of fall start to settle in. So, it didn’t come as a surprise that word on the river was that sockeye numbers were decreasing.

Of course just as I was thinking this, I also hook one.

Keeping the pole cast at an angle, I slowly backed up to shore and then voila! fish was on the bank.

My dad, catching up to me with the bonker (the tool used to.. silence the fish) took one look at my harvest and informed me that I had actually caught a silver.

A silver!

A silver.

Holy sh**. Summer really is over.

Naturally, I started to notice fall everywhere during the rest of my day.

I saw it in all the new Halloween decor at JoAnne’s, in the red replacing the greenery outside, the blooming fireweed, and the ripe and plump wild berries ready to harvest.

Well I’ll be.

Summer is actually ending.

Just like that.

I’ve noticed that as things are starting to quiet down, I find myself enjoying activities I now have time for: garnering the fruits of the earth (rhubarb, raspberries, blueberries, crowberries), catching up on some suspenseful shows with my dad, home cooked meals with my gem, afternoon shopping trips with my mom, and more time spent with the cat.

It’s like, now that the busy season has passed, I can stop, look around, and appreciate what it is that brings so many people here every year. I take notice of the little things: like the yellow warbler perched on the tree branch outside my window, or the mom and baby moose crossing the street at dusk, or the satisfaction of eating dinner at 10pm, gathered from the ground by yours truly.

While most are disappointed that summer has already come and gone, I feel tremendous relief. I embrace the new season that’s upon us and thank God that work is slowing down.

And so, in the spirit of catching my first silver this year, I also ofishially welcome fall .

No.

I have officially cried every day this week.

In fact, I think it’s safe to say that I’ve cried nearly every day during the whole month of July.

Exhaustion, fatigue, and frustration at the public has officially gotten to me, and so I’ve been crying. A lot.

Sometimes, I cry on the way to work. Oftentimes, on silent car rides home, and of course I’ve cried in the mechanical room and out on the back deck during many a shift.

You see, crying itself is not an uncommon look on me.

More recently though, it’s become a staple, rather, in the chapter of Summer 2021.

Facing the onslaught of hangry ungrateful guests (locals and tourists alike) during the busiest time of the year, I’ve found that one of the few things that has kept me sane (and from crying on the spot) has been using my voice to say one simple but ever so powerful word:

No.

“I know you guys are probably busy, but do you have room for 11? (because I definitely didn’t plan ahead and anticipate that summertime in Alaska would be busy)”

No.

“I’d like to place a 12 waffle order (and not tip because I’ve never worked in foodservice).”

No.

“We’ve been waiting a long time and though I see you’re insanely busy and are so obviously understaffed like the rest of the nation, can you make our coffees, like right now? We’ve been waiting a long time (and are too impatient and unsympathetic to how much you’re struggling to keep up).”

No. No. No. No. NO.

It’s just soooo glorious to say. The word just rolls off the tongue. Silky smooth effortless no.

It helps, saying no.

It gives me power, and pleasure, knowing that I can use my voice to set boundaries and put people in their place, which they’re often not used to.

This is especially so in customer service, where the outdated phrase, “The customer is always right!” still reigns supreme.

No. The customer is not always right.

Man, I thought 2020 was rough but this… this is far worse.

Circumstances, are far worse. Vendor supply shortages, are even worse. Lack of staffing is dangerously worse, and people have been the absolute worst.

Quite simply put, they’ve taken everything from me.

They’ve taken from my staff, this community and its understaffed and overworked service workers, and I’m left struggling day after day trying to accommodate those who are draining me: emotionally, mentally, and physically.

I feel used and abused, and I have nothing left to give except this one ounce of pleasure in telling them no.

I find my defenses depleted, my energy extinct. My melodramatic meltdowns, however frequent, still don’t satisfy this need to be free of people, locals and tourists.

And no, it did not get better after dip netting. Lies!

And so, after weeks of donning the delicious no into my vocabulary, I decided it was time I say yes. And this time, to a very welcome escape.

My gem and I, having made reservations months ago, finally got to enjoy a meal to ourselves over in Halibut Cove at The Saltry.

Perched on the dock overlooking the sea, we drank and ate to our heart’s content, exploring the seaside village and relishing the change of position from constantly serving to actually being served.

Confiding to him, I shared that I felt I had changed over the summer, had turned into this bitter and mean woman.

In his thoughtful answer, he told me that he didn’t think I was turning into a mean woman. Instead, I was merely finding my voice and using it to set some much needed boundaries between me and the public.

So yeah, if there’s any plus side to working the monstrosity of this busy summer, it’s that yes, I have found my voice.

(and I am not afraid to use it)