State of resilience.

It was a wicked wind that tore through town.

And with it, a swirling snowstorm.

Gazing out the window from the safety and warmth of the indoors, I watched in awe as Mother Nature took her toll on my small town of Soldotna.

Cars in ditches, ill-equipped passerby getting pummeled in the face with furious flurries, and roads clogged up with snow were common from my perch at the window.

As I watched, rapt, nose pressed against the glass, I nonetheless smiled.

Call me crazy, but this is what I call a proper Alaskan winter. And it’s been too long since we’ve had one.

When I first moved to Alaska many years ago (what is it.. 22 years now?), winters up here were absolutely legendary.

I remembered storms like this as a commonality. I remember feet of snow creating magnificent berms best used for snow forts and snowball fights, and powder so gnar that skiers from all over would flock to experience it in all its glory.

But then, the world started changing. More specifically, the climate started to change. And these famously celebrated winters became somewhat a thing of the past.

Snow became minimal. Temperatures were drastic; either averaging a nippy negative 30 degrees for weeks on end, or unusually high temperatures of 40 degrees making January look like breakup season (spring).

Then this year, some wicked wind tore through town.

And with it, a swirling snowstorm.

Caught off guard, as it’s been so many years since I’ve seen snow of this magnitude come through, it took some time for me to properly adjust.

My fair weather Fiat couldn’t quite make it out of the driveway on multiple occasions, and I found myself working the shovel late into the night more often than not.

(speaking of- bless my neighbors for coming over to snow-blow every time I’m out there with said shovel. Though I am certainly not struggling, I’ll take all the help I can get!)

Which just reminds me: Alaska is made up of resilience.

More specifically: Alaskans are resilient.

I’ve always known this wasn’t an easy place to live.

Having been lucky enough to spend time living in other parts of the world, I’ve had the opportunity to experience different ways of living. And though every city comes with its own set of challenges, I’ve always appreciated the way of life in this splendid state.

I’ve always preferred the threat of running into a bear than a crazy homeless man on drugs (which I have experienced both of). I’ve always preferred the sound of silence to the hustle and bustle of clubs at midnight, the blare of sirens at 1am, and the sound of drunken voices at 2am. I’ve always preferred a life of simplicity and goodness than being constantly bombarded with inauthenticity where one touts status with designer handbags and number of followers on Tik Tok.

Living here is not for the faint of heart. It takes someone with gumption, bravery, patience, and most importantly: resilience.

It’s the dead of winter and one of the most depressing times of the year in this intimidating state. The darkness and the cold… it’s a lot, and though I long for warmth and the simple pleasure of feeling sun on my skin, I know that once we make it through this season, we will be rewarded with a most magnificent summer.

This snowstorm reminded me that it takes a tough cookie to live here. And if my friendly neighbors with the snow blower taught me anything, it’s that we’re all in this together.

Truly, there is snowplace like home.

Sway.

“Elan.”

No.

This is not how I wanted to wake up.

Don’t get me wrong: I love waking up to my gem’s voice in the morning, especially when he’s saying my name.

But the way he said it wasn’t the same voice he uses when he wraps his arms around me and nestles up to me as big spoon.

The way he said it wasn’t synonymous with an early morning back massage.

No.

He said my name in the kind of voice that indicated bad news.

“Your phone went off,” he continued in the early morning grog.

Translation: someone called in sick to work.

I’ve experienced enough early morning texts to know that if anyone messages me early on a weekend, they’re likely informing me they’re not coming to work.

Sure enough.

Already short staffed, and already covering for said lack of workers, I instantly felt dread for the day.

And it hadn’t even started.

“Nooooooooooooo,” I echoed back to him. Laced with worry and a tinge of how will I ever survive this existential crisis I sat up and started crying.

It’s weird to start my day in tears, especially when they’re tired, angry, and deflated. But in that moment, it felt like my day was decided, and it wasn’t going to be a good one.

This happens a lot: moments like these in which I feel like the world is ending and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Which, let’s be honest, I usually can’t.

If the movie “Don’t Look Up” taught me anything, it’s that sometimes, despite all your best efforts, there comes a point where you can’t do anything else but ride out the storm.

In most cases though, it won’t end up with a comet destroying all of earth.

Stewing in my pity party whilst getting ready for work, I didn’t accept this knowledge though until my gem sent me a text on my way to the shop.

Encouraging me to give myself a break and to sit back and go along for the ride, he made me realize that despite the early morning setback, I was likely going to survive the day in one piece. Plus, I had him to look forward to at the end of the day.

(I’ll just leave that to the imagination..)

Sure enough, I made it. And all that worrying wound up being for nothing, as it typically goes.

Well, not nothing because it did provide me inspiration.

I’m reminded of a metaphor I once came across, about wind. And a tree.

The tree that sways survives the storm.

The stubborn tree that stands rigid and fights, usually breaks.

I best resonate with the latter tree, I’ll be honest.

But, if I can learn to move, to sway, to accept future obstacles that blow my way, I might just survive the next early morning text, or whatever else it may be..