Small Steps.

The other day, I took a step.

It was one step.

One itty bitty teeny tiny baby step.

But it was a step, and that step was in the right direction.

To some, it may have looked like just a typical weekday conversation, but to me, it represented a whole lot more.

Because it wasn’t just a conversation: it was a small step forward in pursuing my passion, a baby step in this journey of mine.

This “journey” I speak of, is one currently fraught with discomfort, self-doubt, uncertainty, and a feeling of being completely and utterly lost. After having overcome obstacles as big as hiking the Grand Canyon at age ten, performing in front of hundreds of people reciting monologues and cackling as the green Wicked Witch, not to mention living in five different cities in the past six years, I should be used to stepping out of my comfort zone.

Yet here I am, living in the most cliche version of a comfort zone and I’ve never felt more uncomfortable.

I’ve been aware of how living in this comfort zone has caused me to develop feelings of low confidence and self-esteem for awhile now, but I’m trying to figure out how these feelings developed when I once used to thrive on stepping outside of the box, which successfully got me through periods of change.

And maybe that’s the kicker: there is no change. Living comfortably at home and in my familiar routine, I’ve had no momentum to move forward in pursuing my writing, which is one of the main reasons I moved back to this spectacular state. It’s like the longer I stay in this so called “comfort zone” (though it feels more like the “uncomfortable zone” ), the more uncertain I become because I become more stagnant in my personal growth.

Part of that is due to the fact that I’ve lost some belief in myself and my abilities, part of that is not knowing or having the courage about what step to take next to get out of my comfort zone, but the biggest part has to do with not appreciating the little steps I’ve been taking already.

Like writing to you. Whether I’m conscious of it or not, every time I sit down to write on my blog, or in my journal, I’m proving to myself that I am committed to my writing. That deep down, I’m trusting it will lead me somewhere, though I may not know where. After all these years, I continue to write week after week without awards, attention, and without knowing if anyone reads it or not. Because the thing that matters most with persistence and believing in myself and my writing is that the longer I stick with this passion, the more it grows and gets bigger. Each blog post, each sentence I write, and every baby step I take is propulsion onward. I have to be proud of the fact that I’m not marching in place, but forward, and in a direction that will eventually lead to success.

Having that conversation was a big personal stride for me because it wasn’t just a physical step in my journey forth, but it reminded me of my belief in myself, the belief I thought I had lost.

It’s about time that I look at all I’ve done and find gratitude and excitement in the little steps, no matter what size. A step is a step. And the more I find joy and peace in them, the more I learn to appreciate the rich life I already have.

For a tall gal, I always imagined that my steps forward in life would be as big as my stride. And they are, they’re just made up of a series of small steps, which all come together and make one big tall girl step..