Ringing in the new year.

a song to set the scene // auld lang syne by guy lombardo

It was one of my first days back at work after the New Year.

I was stepping up to the register, smiling at the next guest in line, when all of a sudden they gasped.

“Huh! Is that new?”

Pointing to I don’t know what, I looked down.

At my apron? No that’s not it. My work shirt? Nooo still doesn’t feel right.

And then finally, I found what he was pointing to:

My left hand.

Specifically, my ring finger.

“No! No no, it’s not new,” I reassured him.

After explaining that the ring had been my mother’s, and how I’d been wearing it for the last three years, he very quickly started defending himself.

“Oh, well, I didn’t want to assume (wink wink), but it’s that time of year, and my social media is buzzing with proposals and engagements, and I just… I didn’t know.”

Right. So you assumed.

They always do!

Call it the side effects of living in a small town, but he’s not the first to have asked.

Ever since my sister’s wedding and my trip to Italy; heck, ever since I even started dating my gem, I’ve gotten questions about marriage.

Having been with him for just two years, I’ve felt the assumption about our status to be rather presumptuous.

I mean, to me, it feels like we just started dating.

If anyone even knew us that well, they’d know that my gem and I prefer moving at the lazy river pace, not the Grand Rapids.

Making peace with the awkwardness that now lay between my non-marriage ring finger and my presumptuous guest, he then asked me:

“So, if no ring, how did 2022 end up being?”

Well let me see sir: where do I start?

-I went on the best trip with my sister to Disneyland to celebrate her engagement. Even if we were mistaken for the happy couple, it remains one of the most memorable vacations I’ve ever had.

-I saved a cat’s life. Though, I think in a way he also saved mine.

-I performed in The Marvelous Wonderettes. It had been 8 years since I was last onstage. I missed it dearly.

-I got to witness a rare Alaskan thunderstorm at 5am. Like a kid in a candy store, I sat perched by the window as hail fell from the sky.

-I hiked Mt. Marathon for the first time ever! And yes, the views were worth it.

-My sister and I reeled in a sixty pound halibut on a dreary 4th of July. God bless America!

-I had another fabulous birthday, which included homemade ratatouille.

-I watched my little sister get married. Delivered a bomb-ass speech, and thanked the heavens for wearing waterproof mascara.

-Oh, and yeah, I went to Italy with my gem. And though we did not get engaged, we did get fat and happy off of pizza, pasta, and vino.

The most incredible part of 2022 though? Is invisible to the human eye.

It lies deep within me, and only I can feel it.

No! No! It’s not a baby.

Golly gee.

I see how that might’ve come across wrong.

No.

It’s growth.

Counseled and led by the most incredible individual, I have spent the last year or so going through some very deep personal growth.

Unraveling childhood patterns, experiencing triggers and understanding where they’re born from, and accepting and loving who I am regardless of what I’ve believed to be my whole life (that I’m an oversensitive girl who cries too much and needs to “manage” her emotions), I look back at 2022 and feel that the most profound part of that year is something only I can see and feel.

Can’t exactly post that to the ‘gram, but I think that’s what makes it feel that much more special.

Like most of us, 2022 was full of a lot of ups, and a lot of downs. And while most of my reigning highlights have pictures attached with them, the biggest part of that year, to me, was all the growth I went through, which isn’t something you can physically see.

I remember my counselor telling me that change isn’t always something that feels inherently different. You don’t wake up one day going:“there it is! change.” Growth is subtle, and it shows up in ways that aren’t always visible to other people.

Just because you can’t see something though, doesn’t mean it’s not there.

Just like my left hand: just because I don’t have an engagement ring on my finger doesn’t mean I’m not committed to someone I’m madly in love with.

2022 was truly a marvelous year.

But boy am I excited to “ring” in the new year.

With, or without a ring.